>>Just in case you need a laugh:
>>
>>Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
>>school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly
>>routinely in our jobs.
>>
>>After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet,"
>>which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
>>mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and
>>then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let
it
>>be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
>>maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
>>(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
>>maintenance engineers.
>>
>>By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an
>>accident.
>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>
>>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>>P: Something loose in cockpit
>>S: Something tightened in cockpit
>>
>>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>
>>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>>descent
>>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>S: Evidence removed.
>>
>>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>S: That's what friction locks are for.
>>
>>P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
>>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>S: Suspect you're right.
>>
>>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>>S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>>
>>P: Target radar hums.
>>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>
>>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>>S: Cat installed.
>>
>>And the best one for last..................
>>
>>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>>pounding on something with a hammer.
>>S: Took hammer away from midget.
>>